i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
