I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize