So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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