My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
