i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh god it's open bar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
