took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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