just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
