just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
