Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
