my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
