69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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