is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
