she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize