So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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