I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You made out with two different species that night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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