so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
