I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
