she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
