He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
