Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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