We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
