So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
