why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
