She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
