i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm always down for nudity.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
