if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
