he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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