My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
