Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
