you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
