My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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