Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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