I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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