he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
