That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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