they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
