It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I touched a dick in church today
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
