I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
