sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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