Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
