look no pants
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
