he puts the penis in happiness.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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