you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize