Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
