ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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