My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
