Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
someone owes me an orgasm
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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