Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
