I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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