I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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