i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
