Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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