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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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