In the future we'll all be gay
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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