I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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