i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
