I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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