I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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