I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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