Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
