I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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