Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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