She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
