Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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