We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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