at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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