I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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